Aftermath
§
“How could he do that to his family? I feel terrible for them, especially for the boy. He’s so young. His life has been ruined. Years and years of therapy won’t do much. He was the one who made the call! He was so brave. He made sure that his sister and his grandmother didn’t see anything.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“It was the shock. It had to be. The days that await them… How could he not think about that? What a selfish thing to do.”
“Perhaps he was depressed. Let’s not be rash. We only know so much.”
“Depressed? How is that an excuse for permanently marking the life of your loved ones? He may have been depressed, but at least it was only he who plodded along—now there are five.”
“I’ll go ahead and venture to say that you’ve never been depressed.”
“I have. And yet here I am.”
“Depression is not sadness, Mother.”
“It is. Your grandfather had it. Have you seen a picture of him?”
“Yes. He looks exhausted, not sad.”
“Whatever it is, it’s no excuse for leaving your family.”
“He had to endure it all for them? Doesn’t that strike you as equally selfish?”
“You owe yourself to your family.”
§
“People are going to focus on his good qualities. That’s what they always do when someone dies. But the guy was an asshole. You’ll see when the sentiment passes.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard a story or two.”
“I experienced it firsthand. He dated my sister years ago. He practically forced her to rearrange her life around his schedule. And the way he spoke made it clear he felt above us. Anyway, he ran her into the ground with manipulation. Don’t get me wrong—it’s a sad ending. My condolences go out to the family. But I’m not joining the choir of praise.”
“Is your sister all right? How did she take it?”
“She’s a bit down.”
“Let’s hope the guy changed for the better.”
“Why would he?”
“He had a family. That changes you.”
“I’d settle for the guy not raising other assholes.”
§
“May God forgive him.”
“It is a sign of the times. Never has this been more common. Have you seen how many people end their own lives in a single year? Fifty thousand. And this number does not even take into account the attempts.”
“I do not mean to sound crass, but I blame this on a lack of character. Ours is a spineless culture that unashamedly offers a ready-made world. Effort now lies among the Scythians. Yet there is not a thing on Earth man cannot bear. Suffering the Cross ought to be an honorable endeavor, one among many that provide life with meaning.”
“Yes. But how can one expect such resilience when there is nothing to value? Had he assigned his family the proper weight, he would have found comfort.”
“He instead sought it in a muzzle.”
§
“I can’t stand being around her. She’s very uptight.”
“Definitely. I know upstanding citizens who’d agree.”
“What? She’s pleasant. I can’t remember a single instance in which she acted ‘uptight.’ You guys live in a noisy bubble.”
“Come on, Rick. Look, I understand that she’s going through hell. I respect that. But truth matters.”
“I wasn’t taking into account her situation. Besides, we’re not even remotely close to her.”
“You can just sense it. What a disaster it must’ve been for him. They were married, what? Fourteen years?”
“Yeah. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t help his case.”
“Are you serious?”
“Ha, ha, ha. Hey, man, things can get very rough.”
“You’re single, Ricky. Your thirst gets in the way of seeing the world as it actually is.”
§
“Apparently it had something to do with debt. There’s still no clue about the amount.”
“I’d take that with a grain of salt. It’s hearsay.”
“Not this time, no. One of his relatives told me.”
“Debt? Jonathan was a no-nonsense fellow. He’d have chosen foreclosure or anything similar.”
“He was also very status-conscious. He got rid of what was to him a major disgrace with a minor one.”
“I can’t reconcile that type of reasoning with my image of him. Sure, he cared about money. But I doubt he cared that much. It must’ve been some other thing.”
“What? Depression? I can’t think of a moment when he wasn’t happy as hell to be alive. His whole life was one enterprise after another.”
“Maybe not depression, then. There are so many possibilities. That’s why I can’t stand the dullest one.”
“It suits the man. It suits his passions. It suits the Jonathan I knew. What did you have in mind when you heard?”
“I really can’t say. My mind went blank. Even after giving it some thought, I’m stumped.”
“I think you’re underestimating how shattering it must be to realize that nothing in this life is yours, not even your body, that it is all owned by a faceless group of people unconcerned with your fears, hopes, and ambitions.”
§
“Didn’t I tell you? I know it when I see it.”
“What gave it away?”
“Body language. I had a cousin with the same problem. It’s sad seeing them struggle to save face. But their body resists the act.”
“I wonder if he was taking any meds.”
“No. If you’re gonna act, you gotta go the distance.”
“What an end. I still can’t believe it. I swear I would’ve thought about Curtis first.”
“Really? He’s a serious guy. That’s all.”
“Too serious. He’s the kind of guy you’d imagine shooting up a place, killing himself, or doing both.”
§
“Remember when we gave him the bike?”
“He couldn’t believe it. He was the first of his friends to have one.”
“Oh, but that boy.”
“Edwin? Or was it Edward?”
“Edwin, yes. He ruined it in a day! Jono came in crying with the handle. I was furious.”
“With the handle? Wasn’t it the seat?”
“It was a part of the bike, all right! I went straight to that boy’s mother.”
“Jono displayed quite the mettle afterward. He would come to me and give me some quarters to buy a new one. He endured months, even while his friends already had their own bikes.”
“He had it in him… It was who he was.”
“Yes. It was who he was.”