Customer Service

Self-Portrait in a Digital Age
November 19, 2017
Blue Pyjamas
November 19, 2017

Customer Service

I

 

Good morning, Worcester Opticians. Amelia speaking, how may I help? An appointment? Of course, sir, which day would you prefer? Unfortunately, I can’t do Tuesday, would Wednesday be okay? I have one available at eleven. A little later? I can do twenty past two. Perfect. What name was it, sir? Willetts? Double L, double T? Right, I think I’ve found you! Could you confirm your date of birth for me, Mr. Willetts? No? And why’s that? You don’t want me to know how old you are? I promise I’ll do my best to forget. Okay, then. Forgotten already. So, that’s an appointment for this Wednesday at two twenty. Yes, Mr. Willetts, I’ll be here that day. Thank you, sir, I look forward to meeting you, too. Have a lovely day.

 

II

 

Good afternoon, sir. And what name is it please? Mr. Willetts, hello again. Yes, we spoke on the phone. People say that about my voice a lot. Right, you’re all checked in. Take a seat in the waiting area around the corner for me and one of my colleagues will be right with you. Me? I don’t see why not. Take a seat and I’ll be right with you. The other corner, Mr. Willetts.

 

III

 

Sorry to keep you waiting, sir, it’s been mad today. Right, if you’d like to come with me? We have to do a few tests before you see the optician. No, they won’t hurt and you can’t fail. Take a seat here for me and I’ll just give this a wipe down. Okay, we’re just going to fill in your NHS form. Do you have any history of diabetes or glaucoma? Nope? Excellent. And your current address is seventy-three Magdala Court, The Butts? No, sir, I have lots of practice keeping a straight face. Okay then, just sign your name at the bottom. Right here, Mr. Willetts. Ta. No, sir, you’re right, I’m not from Worcester. D’you know Wakefield? Born and bred. Pontefract? Yeah, I know it well, I went to school near there.

Right, shall we get down to it? We’ll do your pressures first. Rest your chin on here for me and make sure your forehead is touching the bar. That’s lovely. Stare at the green light and you’ll feel three puffs of air. That’s perfect, one eye down. Stare at the light again. You’ve moved a little, make sure your forehead is touching the bar, sir. Okay, that’s that one done. Come and take a seat in the corner and I’ll just turn the light off. Now, now, sir, keep it clean. Do you have your reading glasses? Great! I’m just going to cover one of the lenses and then I want you to pop them on for me. Don’t worry, it’s dark. The only person who can see how daft you look is me.

Rest your forehead against here for me. This one? It’s to test your field of vision. Stare at the black dot and, every time you hear a beep, I want you to tell me how many green lights you see. Okay, ready? How many here? Sir, stare at the black dot. No, you’re not. There’s a camera in this machine, I can see your eye going all over the place. That’s it. How many here? Okay, that’s that eye done. Sit back and swap the tissue over so that it covers your right eye instead. That’s great. Okay, same again. You’re not looking at the dot. Try to focus on it, otherwise we’ll have to start again.

Okay, that one’s all done. I’m afraid I can’t tell you how you did, only the optician can do that. Come and have a seat over here. Now? We’re going to take a photograph of the back of your eye, your retina. Have you had it done before? That’s possible, it used to be an optional extra. Pop your chin on the rest, forehead against the bar. You know the drill. Stare at the flashing light and then there’ll be a bright flash. Right, sit back and blink a few times, your vision will clear in a moment. Are you doing anything else exciting today? And how old is your granddaughter? She sounds positively adorable. Are you ready for the other eye, sir? Okay, forehead all the way up to the bar and stare at the light. Flash in three, two, one.

Right, that’s me done for now. Take a seat again and the optician will call you through as soon as she can. You too, Mr. Willetts, a pleasure indeed.

 

IV

 

How was it in there? Yeah, Jackie’s great. Have you seen any you like? Glasses, sir, what did I say about keeping it clean? Well, then. Are you looking for a particular style? Similar to your current glasses? I think we can find something for you. How about these? Very dashing. Yes, that’s often a problem for people, they try them on but then can’t see themselves in the mirror. They fit great though. If you have a phone I can take a picture and show you. Okay, smile. Lovely. See? Dashing, right? You’d like these for reading, then? It says here that you need new distance glasses for driving. Did you want to look for some different frames? You don’t drive anymore? That’s a shame, indeed. I don’t drive either. Come and have a seat and we’ll get these ordered for you. How long? We’ll call you to say they’re ready in about a week.

Okay, that’s all filled in. I just need you to sign this for me. Yes! Yet another NHS form, I’m afraid. Just be grateful that you’re not the one who has to stamp and sign them all every week. That’s perfect. Is your telephone number still six-one-one, seven-three-zero? Perfect. We’ll give you a call next week for you to come pick them up and get them fitted. You too, Mr. Willetts. Have a lovely afternoon with your granddaughter.

 

V

 

Good morning, Mr. Willetts, it’s Amelia from Worcester Opticians. This is just a message to let you know that your glasses are in store and ready to collect. Pop by when you can and we’ll get them fitted for you. Have a lovely day.

 

VI

 

Hello Mr. Willetts, it’s Amelia again from Worcester Opticians. I just wanted to check that you got my last message about your glasses being ready to collect. Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.

 

VII

 

Hello, Worcester Opticians. Amelia speaking, how may help you today? Yes, that was me. His glasses are ready and waiting for him. Oh, I see. I’m very sorry for your loss. Yes, of course. I’ll make sure you don’t receive any more phone calls. Would you like me to put his glasses in the charity box? Okay, thank you for calling, Mrs. Willets. Once again, I’m terribly sorry. I only met him briefly, but your husband was an absolute pleasure to talk to. Take care.